How You F#$KING Feel 7 Days After a Break Up

WEIRD. You feel weird. And a lot of self-pity. And really weird. Like WTF just happened. We get it, and have all been there before (well, maybe not allllll of us). This will hopefully help, and if not, can just be something to relate to. 

Uncertain Thoughts That Never Seem to Go Away

  • Was this the right decision?
  • Is he as miserable as I am?
  • Why can’t I stop thinking about you?
  • How will I learn to cook for myself at this age?
  • Will I ever find someone better?
  • Were we meant to be?
  • Why did we break up?
  • How will I ever find anyone else that likes to do X, XXX, and XXXX, and even sometimes XXXXXX with me?
  • How will anyone else ever know me as well?
  • Who the hell am I? *Then you just say, “My name is XXX, and I am confident, smart, beautiful, creative …” Some prefer to look in the mirror during this practice, which, if you ever cry while you look in the mirror, you stop real fast, let me tell you. Sometimes you even start laughing, and then you just keep those moments to yourself.

Coping Mechanisms

  • Hang out with your friends ALL the time. If you’re an introvert, maybe your friends are Netflix characters. Either way.
  • Write down all of the things you didn’t like about that person. And read it — especially when you can only remember the “good times” it seems. Can’t remember any of the “bad times”? Ask your friends. They’ll tell you.
  • Ice cream for breakfast. Wine for lunch. Pancakes for dinner. Snacks throughout. And maybe a visit to the dentist in a few months.
  • Look at every boy that walks by you. And remind yourself that there are over 7 billion people in the world, half of those are men.
  • Weed is legal in Boulder if you’re into that sort of thing.
  • Just f#$king cry if you have to, don’t hold it in. This isn’t one of those “pay your future self” situations. If you ignore that you’re sad, it’s going to come out like six months later, and your tears will have mold on them.
  • Download Alanis Morisette’s Jagged Little Pill, especially if you’re younger and have never listened to her. Sing it loud if you live in a place where your neighbor’s shower isn’t on the other side of yours. Otherwise, opt for the car as the location of your new opera house (and wear sunglasses).
  • Write your own How You F#$KING Feel 7 Days After a Break Up.
  • Call your Mom. When you’re ready.

Don’t’s

  • Don’t spill your heart out on Facebook. It’s annoying to others, and screams desperate to any potential on-lookers. And if you absolutely have to do it, do it in some weird way that nobody really knows what you’re talking about except yourself. ie: I love turtles.
  • Don’t drunk-call him. If you do, just know that he’s probably going to show all of his friends at whatever party he is at (or whoever’s couch he is sitting on), and then all those guys who are there are going to see that you’re calling, and everyone’s going to uncomfortably shrug and feel sorry for you. Remember, he is leaning on his friends, too. And if you do accidentally slip up, make sure it’s a one time thing. And feel stupid about it the next day (just one day), then be done with it.
  • Don’t ask for your shit back right away. This is insincere, and you’d only be doing it to look like you don’t care, when really, you do. Your golf clubs can wait. And so can his TV. This is a poor excuse to talk to him right away.
  • Try not to get white girl wasted. Hangovers are a lot worse the next day when they’re accompanied with a broken heart. There you go, Foldgers. The best part of waking up…is not your break up. 

If you’ve going through this crap now, hopefully this is relatable. Let us just say to you, “I’m sorry, it seriously sucks.” If you do happen to have any advice of your own, feel free to share in the comments section.